Frozen Custard!

Custard, with chocolate sauce, graham crackers, and mashmallow added, because my daughters wanted s'more ice cream.

For a while, I thought I had the ice cream convenience thing dialed in.  I was doing that no-machine recipe everyone seems to be doing, but the thing I realized about that one, was the not-so-fresh-feeling you'd get in your mouth, after eating it.  May as well have eaten some frozen butter.  It was, after all, just cream and condensed milk, and then whatever else you felt like dumping into it.  It's delicious, but also kind of "pfeh".

I decided to start researching and experimenting with some recipes, and I think I have developed one that is DAMN fine.  Not only does she not leave your mouth feeling like Oil Can Henry's when you are finished; she still has that richness without it.  She also has a bit less sugar than traditional French Vanilla ice cream.

Yes, this is a bit more work.  But well?  Tough.

Trust me.  It's worth the effort.  I promise you, you'll never go back to that whipped cream BS.

Let's get started!

You will need:

1. Freezer
2. Stove
3. *Ice cream maker
4. 2 decent sized bowls; one larger than the other  (you will need the larger bowl for ice, and the smaller bowl, for mixing/chilling.  Be sure the smaller bowl can hold more than 4 cups of liquid, and you're golden.)
5. Frozen ice from the freezer.
6. Strainer
7. Cup measure (a 4 cup Measuring jug works best, because you can measure, store, AND pour, in one stop.)
8. Whisk
9. Cling Film  (I use Non-PVC)
10. A freezer-safe container that can hold 4 cups of goodness.  I use tupperware.

Ingredients:

1. 2/3 cup sugar
2. 6 egg yolks
3. 1 cup whole milk
4. 2 cups cream
5. A pinch of salt
6. 1 tbsp good vanilla extract

Method:

Start off with your egg yolks, sugar, and salt in a bowl.  I do realize right now that these bowls are uh... different.  Well?  I made a couple of batches, and these yolks were just prettier than the first batch I did in the metal bowl.  Same recipe.  You'll survive.  I promise.

Don't forget to save your egg whites for another project!  I freeze mine.  Apparently, they will keep for up to a damn year in the freezer, so don't be afraid... to freeze those eggs... true meringues, true meringues... they're beautiful... like a rainbow.

OK, I'll try to stop now.

Next, WHISK!!!  That's a good start, but damn it, whisk it like it ate your last fucking bite of Kobe Beef!  God damn egg bastard motherfuckers!!!

Yeah, that's right!  Make THOSE LITTLE CRAP WEASELS SAY YOUR NAME!!!

Yeah!  Like THAT!

Make sure your cream and milk get a good scalding.  I don't know if you can really tell from this shot, but this milk and cream mixture is crying some good crocodile tears here.  It's like:  "Hey... gettin' kinda hot over here. Probably shouldn't boil."

And well, OK... it's right.  It shouldn't.  You should just see some very tiny bubbles near the sides of the pan.

Once it steams a bit, and there are wee bubbles, it's time to introduce the cream mixture to your emulsified eggs, sugar, and salt.  Remove it from the heat, and do this slowly, so you don't end up with really disgusting, sweet scrambled eggs. That's not even remotely sexy, or delicious.

I add two ladles of the hot stuff to the egg base, loosening the mixture each time.  Then, the rest can jump on that party train.

Toot Toot!

Wow.  The bowl inconsistency is kind of bugging ME, even.  Ah, well... I went with the best food porn here, that's all.

Now, you are ready to transfer this stuff into a clean saucepan, and place it back on the stove.  I recommend this, because you can see the stuff on the bottom of that pan.  You don't want that in your finished product.  Gross!  You can either clean the one you have, or start with a new one, if you have more than one.  Whatever.

Look at that sexy beast, becoming custard.  This may take a bit of time, but good things can't be rushed.  I usually do this for about 15 minutes, or so.  You want it to look like this, and coat the back of a spoon, or spatula (as the case may be,) like below.

Be sure to add your vanilla while you are stirring.  I like to keep things extra classy with this here home made version.  You do you, though.

It's extra classy to spy the daylight through it.  I like to pretend I'm a double agent.

Next, you are going to want this setup, right here:

Technically, you don't really have to do this, but this tends to speed the cooling process, so you can refrigerate that much faster.  This is a good thing, especially if you want ice cream tomorrow afternoon, and you are working late at night, as was evidenced in some of these photos, but not all.

Food porn at any cost, I tell ya...

...so I messed up!  Shut up!

If you have all the time in the world, you don't really need to do this.  It will still cool on the counter top, but it's fun to see how much it still thickens when you do it this way.

Let this cool in its ice bath.  Reassure it that you didn't steal its kidney, by gently stirring about every 5 minutes or so.

See?  Holy Mother of Crap!  That's some tasty stuff, right there.  That's what that is.

I cover this, air-tight, with cling.  You want to make sure this sits directly on the custard, so it doesn't form a grody skin.  Chill this overnight in the fridge.

The next morning, you can either do *this machine neutron dance of swiftness, or put it into a container for the freezer and give it a stir every 15 minutes for about 4 hours.  If you have one of these, just follow the manufacturer's instructions, and boompadoo... frozen custard in about... well?  Less than an hour, depending.

I do still freeze mine for about 4 hours before we dig into it.

I have also found that the faster you put this in the freezer, the better.  You can freeze it for about an hour (post machine,) and THEN add your add-in ingredients.  Trying to do it before that could result in some MELLLLTING.

Oh, what a world...

It should look... about like this when you stop the machine.  You can take it a little further, but you'll start to smell motor, and some of the custard might freeze to the side, which... OK, if I'm being honest?  Yeah, that's some snacky goodness right there.  But this is pretty much what you want.  Like soft-serve.  You can sort of see my sweet little tupperware number next to the machine.  You don't need anything fancy for storage.  This will do just fine.

And, there you have it, my Food Buddies!  Enjoy!

-H